Pee Like a Girl (In The Woods)
Alright ladies, let’s have a safe space here to talk about the business. That being the business of peeing in the woods.
We’ve come a long way since the ol’ squat and find a non-poison ivy leaf to wipe with. Thanks to some modern day inventions, peeing in the woods as a lady has never been easier, more sanitary, or more eco-friendly.
You will be the happiest lady in the woods once you master the art of peeing like a girl!
The Issue in Need of Toilet Tissue
The problem with peeing in the woods for women (other than finding a private spot, aiming so as to miss your ankles, having to squat, and having to bare ass to the whole world, etc) has always been the issue of toilet tissue. Unlike our male counterparts who are back on the trail with a quick shake, we do best with a dry piece of something between our lady bits. But what to do with that TP after you’ve utilized and soiled it? Ideally you’d pack it out, but let’s be honest, no one really wants to do that. Digging a hole doesn’t really make the problem better. Unfortunately, too often people just discard their toilet tissue on the ground… Toilet tissue left in the woods is not only unpleasant on the eyes, it’s also not environmentally friendly. In other words, there’s no good solution for that used TP… until now.
Enter the Kula Cloth. This small piece of fabric is designed to replace disposable toilet paper with a high-tech modern-day pee rag. Okay, that doesn’t sound elegant, but that’s what we’re looking at…. a small anti-microbial cloth that is designed to allow you to wipe yourself in a sanitary way, then dry out and be re-used. Yes. you can also wash the Kula Cloth, but it’s actually surprisingly clean once it dries out, so you can use it for a weekend and not feel too gross. Would I eat off it? Probably not. But I certainly don’t feel bad getting multiple pee breaks on one cloth between washes.
Although I’ve never met them, the ladies behind the Kula Cloth operation seem super awesome and really believe in the cause of keeping toilet paper and debris out of our public lands, and the product they invented to solve this problem is pretty awesome.
Admit it ladies, we’ve all been here, and it’s not a great place. We can do better!
Ok, But I Don’t Want to Squat
Honestly, this is where we are most envious of men. They don’t have to risk a rash of poorly-placed poison plant on their bottom side just to take a leak because they can pee in the upright and locked position. But ladies, so can we (with the help of a specialty funnel).
There are a lot of lady funnels on the market, and we’ve tried several. The issue with many of them is that the funnel is literally funnel shaped. Not to be graphic, but if you cannot regulate the flow, you may overflow your funnel, which is a messy and unpleasant situation. For this reason, we give the thumbs down to funnels like the “She Pee” style device.
In contrast, our favorite funnel is, without question, the “P-Style” - because you get to pee in style? This funnel is more open-ended, like a water slide. Despite all our best efforts, we have never been able to overflow the capacity of the P-style, and it cleans (and dries) quickly with a flick of the wrist to shake residual pee off when you’re done.
Yes, you too can pee one handed standing on the side of a trail!
The first time you use a funnel, we’d recommend trying it at home in a bathtub or shower so you can get familiar with the placement. You do need to press the device up firmly so as to create a tight seal. The first few times you pee with one of these upright funnels it will be a little un-nerving… you will feel like you’re going to pee down your leg. With practice, however, you’ll find that the P-Style totally revolutionizes your ability to pee on the side of a Jeep trail or semi-public place.
Alright ladies, any other peeing tricks of the trade to share?
And for those times when you still have to #2, just remember to dig a hole and bury your business! And maybe opt for disposable TP (but pack it out!).